White coat. Heels.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
