I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
