I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
