You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
