Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
