Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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