I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
