I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
