There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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