You just made me feel so damn special
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Still dying that you shit outside
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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