how can u be prego again
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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