True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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