Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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