dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
