Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
