The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
