i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
