I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
