did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
