I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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