I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
