pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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