He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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