Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
