Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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