Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
