.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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