You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
