brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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