Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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