I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my poor anus
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
