2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I believe in your delicious
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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