It's like God shit irony all over that family
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
