have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
