No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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