I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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