yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
