I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
