You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
