I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
