i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
