ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
