she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
