Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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