moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
