I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hippo gnu deer
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
