So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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