smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
