He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
