Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
