Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
