Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
