She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
