you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You took a bar mat shot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
