Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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