I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need help removing her.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
