So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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