Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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