You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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